Let’s face it, when we are single we often spend a good bit of time on our own. How are you spending that time? What steps are you taking toward allowing yourself to feel good no matter what your relationship status?
I’ve found my life as a single woman absolutely liberating and at times totally heartbreaking. It’s a delicate dance isn’t it?
How you spend your time as a single person ultimately reflects on all of your relationships. I often write about the most important relationship we have being the one we have with ourself and it really is. We are either growing, staying stagnant or sliding back into fear, overwhelm or sadness. Honestly life is like that. It’s as if we are on a spiral of life instead of simply some path or journey. We cycle back around to similar experiences, moods, emotions, relationships, lessons and more.
How many times do we want to feel sorry for ourselves? When do we start living life on our terms? How do you allow yourself to feel empowered while on your own?
I know people that stay beat down with every wave of setback life throws at them. They make excuses, hide, accept feeling less-than, shirk responsibility and generally become the Eeyore’s of the world. I feel a few ways about this…
1– Embrace how you feel and feel it.
2- Don’t beat yourself up more when you already feel down.
3- The way we overcome suffering is to often be with the pain until it passes and we learn from it.
4- There comes a time to pick yourself up and make a choice to live a more joyful life. We deserve that. You deserve that.
5- Love yourself. You’re worth it and worthy so when you feel like it… rock your badass Self and get that negative energy out.
6- No one is growing if they stay stuck in the past. Today is a new day. Start here. Now.
Perhaps instead of getting beat down with every wave of setback… We learn how to surf!
Dating can be full of highs and lows and your best asset is to keep yourself grounded. Don’t ever stop doing things for yourself and become so fully invested in another person that your world revolves around them. That doesn’t last long and people love others that have confidence, passions, hobbies, boundaries and know who they are.
All those new-love, infatuation chemicals coursing through your body are delicious and delirious. I’m a huge fan of love! I’m simply saying… keep your wits about you and keep doing things for yourself so you can navigate those feelings without being consumed by them. Aka, don’t be so fearful of being single… that’s a big start. Love your life so much that someone else simply becomes an addition to that greatness. I’ll share a few ways to do that further along this blog.
FIRST— Keep some bounce in your step!
Seriously if you follow my blog I hope you never expect normal! After all… my normal is extraordinary!
I think we should all think ourselves amazing and definitely find as much magic in life as possible. I hope I inspire that in you!
More on navigating the setbacks…
I once listened to an interview with Iyanla Vanzant, I believe it was on Hay House World Summit. She spoke about life sending you the same problems or issues over and over again. Her take on it really impacted how I feel about personal growth. She said something to this effect –although she said it more eloquently– here is how I heard it. Instead of seeing the same stressors as, “Oh my God! This again! How many times do I have to deal with this??? Life hates me, I will never get ahead.” And generally feeling like life is keeping you stuck. Start to realize that as we move forward on our journey of self-discovery we are learning so many tools to help us. We are gaining experience every time we have a set-back or issue. She says to see it as… “Oh I see you, I see this same issue creeping up on me and this time I have new awareness, I have the ability to respond in new ways, I can see this problem of the past and go…uh, uh, uh, you are not bringing me down this time.”
Does that make sense?
I’ve heard my favorite Spiritual guide, Davidji, say often –maybe he is quoting someone else he learned from, I’m not sure — but what he says is a huge truth. He reminds me that … We see things in life as either a grievance or a miracle and the choice is ours. What are you choosing? Grievance? Or Miracle?
You may not be there today. That place of rising up. If you are hurting or lonely, I send you love. I’ve been there.
Notice in my first sentence that I said “we often spend a good bit of time on our own” I did not say alone… My LifeCoach, Kali Love, has taught me the power of self-languaging. How we talk to ourselves and about our lives has a huge impact on the reality of the world we create for ourselves. How can you upgrade the way you talk about yourself and your life? About your relationship status?
Are you “single and alone, never going to find the right one” or are you “a badass babe or guy who’s rocking his/her own world until someone comes along that’s worthy enough to rock your world”… Get me? Upgrade that language folks. Watch your attitude change and then your circumstance will as well.
Life is what we make it and we have all seen the thousands of memes telling us what we are experiencing now is what we’ve created, if it’s true it’ll come back, be your own best friend, love more worry less, wait for the right one, take action and get what you want… and on and on and on. I am in the camp that thinks single women do not need to be told to love themselves more in order to find a man. Come on! So many of us have done years and decades of self-work, Many of us after toxic, abusive, neglectful and damaging relationships. It takes a god damn warrior to overcome some of this stuff. So be gentle in the process of dating… but don’t fear it. You are in control.
here are a few tips to pick yourself up and empower…
1– Make a list of goals and choose one you can work toward now.
2– Join a gym, take a yoga class, learn Tai Chi
3– Use the Meetup app and do things you love with others. Doesn’t have to be singles. I love to hike but I’m often afraid of going alone and yet I really don’t have a close friend with the free time, the energy or desire to do that with me. Looks like I need to find some hiking girlfriends!
4– Learn to cook a new meal. For yourself. Enjoy it. Maybe one day you’ll surprise a date with your culinary skills but for now… it’s for you!
5– Learn to meditate. This timeless practice helps improve our health, lessens fear by shrinking the Amygdala and now science proves this. Click here to learn more and stress less.
6– Make a firm list on your dating/relationship boundaries. Follow my blog now, knowing I am writing very soon all about how to do that and why.
7– Take yourself out.
8– If you are online dating, I suggest to keep your options open and really date. There is nothing wrong with truly dating a few people at a time and letting them know you are. I’ve heard this advice in countless relationship courses. I have a hard time with this, yet in the past all I do is put all my eggs in one basket and forget I have choices. We are more apt to settle in that circumstance. I am talking to 5 really awesome men right now and taking my time about it all.
9– If you are texting, talking, dating more than one person… phew! It can be exhausting! Take that time for yourself. Turn your phone off. Go out with friends or stay in and pamper yourself. Experience some quiet time on your own. Don’t get overwhelmed. You do not need to respond to every beep and buzz of your phone and DO NOT KEEP LOOKING AT YOUR PHONE WAITING FOR THEM TO TEXT. Stop that! They do not define your worth. Sure it’s great… lean back, be patient, live your own life.
10– Go to a movie! Each time you do something on your own you empower yourself. Empowered people attract other empowered people. Take steps, and enjoy the popcorn while building your self confidence.
11– Put on some music! This works for me all of the time. No matter if I’m running, driving, cleaning or cooking in my kitchen… music lifts my Spirits.
Ok if you follow my Dating Chronicles you will know they are often pretty explicit so I will say… yes, I stopped myself from including Rabbit in my Winnie-The-Pooh memes and mentioning anything about batteries. 😉 oops, there I go again. Like the energizer bunny lol
Actually tonight I am dancing around my kitchen and I invite you to do the same… Listening to this sexy-voiced man remind you how delicious you really are. Seriously, click here and INjoy!
*all Eeyore and Tigger pics are internet images and yikes idk if they are copyrighted but they are all over Pinterest etc so I hope I am good…
©️ Copyright 2017 ArtemisOnFire