Moving on from lost love can be one of the most difficult times in life. We truly go through all the stages of grief and I highly recommend you allow yourself to grieve. Any loss, even if it’s not a death, is worth taking the time to allow yourself the process of grieving. It’s in this process we heal, learn, grow and let go. Cry when you need to cry, get angry, or however you need to process. There’s no timetable on grief, the same as there’s no timetable on falling in love.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve loved for days, weeks, months or years. Some people spend decades together and don’t love one another. Some fall in love and ‘just know’ right away. The depth of love you’re feeling right now, honor that. Whatever’s real to you in your heart is very real.
However, love is not what keeps things going. That’s the department of relationship, communication & dedication. Where there is connectedness, there can be love. Without connectedness love can not thrive.
Perhaps you know why your love is lost, or maybe it’s disappeared with no warning or explanation. Either way, if it’s gone, it’s time to think of yourself and your well-being.
A simple shift in perspective might help. If love is meant to be it will be. —oh my god I know how hard it is to hear all the quotes and memes— I’ve literally felt like a swinging pendulum of emotions between reading things that tell you you have to pursue what you want to make it work and the other perspective that when you’re the only one making effort it’s time to let go.
Let’s decide right now that you will take steps to minimize distractions, other people’s opinions, and start listening to your inner voice. Your soul, your heart and sometimes your mind, know what to do. This is the only true guidance you need. Let’s be honest, if we did that more often within our relationships, trusted ourselves that is, they may actually work better anyhow.
- Stop beating yourself up.
- Don’t talk about it with everyone.
- Trust in sacred friends only.
- Talk less, journal more
- Take a break from social media, especially if they’re on it.
- If you need professional help seek it.
- Listen to your inner guidance.
One of my favorite pages on FB is Love, Sex, Intelligence and they say it best here…
If the idea of “getting over it” or moving on is scary, think of it as moving forward. This doesn’t mean you’re giving up or even getting over. It does mean you’re deciding your life is priority and you’ll move forward with things that bring you joy. This is what makes us attractive in the first place. Having our own lives. I don’t want to be the center of anyone’s life… I want to be a part of someone’s life. See the difference?
It can be scary to our significant others if they feel like our world revolves around them. That’s a lot of pressure and none of us want that.
- Delete them off your phone
- Ok sure, write their info down somewhere then hide it or give it to a friend but stop contacting them if they aren’t responding to you.
- At least change their contact name to —STOP DONT TEXT HIM/HER
- Go out with friends.
- Start a new hobby.
- Consider dating others. There’s no need to wait on someone who’s doing nothing to keep you.
It’s been two months since I’ve heard from “the one”. I was so sure this was it. Reality has hit and acceptance taken over. I love stories of people getting back together months or years later, maybe that’ll happen. It wouldn’t serve me well at all to pine away and hope for it though. Open to it, sure. Wait on it… why?
I have spent the last two months allowing the process to be whatever it is and followed the advice I’ve given. I’ve cried more than I have in a decade, I’ve learned a lot about ways I want to show up for love and ultimately I don’t regret a thing.
Also in those two months I’ve written a lot, deepened my yoga practice, spent time with great friends, remembered the value of my guy friends—great perspective—, gotten lots of projects accomplished… and more than anything I’ve rested a lot, nourished myself with nature, good books and healthy eating.
I’ve also recently created a new profile on OKC and what-do-you-know… amongst all the sea of repulsive (I abhor online dating and have only been on this one site. However, I’ve realized that doesn’t help me overcome my fears and I’m determined to get out there more so I can trust myself more) I am talking to this nice gentleman who’s a writer, has two books on Goodreads & Amazon, currently writes in the film industry, and is a former professor of creative writing —yet still my same age!—at a local University. We’ve exchanged messages first, texted some today and he’s calling me tomorrow.
Yes, it’s a little exciting and also makes me want to cry. Ok, I cried a lot and then mistakenly reached out again by texting my ex. Ugh! Just stop doing that!
Again, wanting something to be does not make it so. Moving forward is the only healthy option offered.
This guy does seem super kind. Plus it’ll be two weeks or more still before I’m in town and can go out anyway which means more healing time, and this time I also have a list of boundaries set for myself so I can feel comfortable taking my time.
This time I’m just dating. Not rushing, not being rushed… just moving forward. He’s a Virgo too, so he’ll understand my Capricorn cautious-but-determined nature.
I’ll keep you posted as #thedatingchronicles continue.
Breathe, find your inner magick and keep moving forward!
Copyright 2017 ArtemisOnFire, The Dating Chronicles