As I sit waiting on Huey’s Wrecker Service, I default to my stress-reliever… creativity.
Saturday was my sons 14th birthday party and as I went to pick up balloons & cake I heard the familiar thunk-thunk of something wrong. I’d heard it on Wednesday when it actually happened yet I chose to ignore it, thinking it was the road.
I still drove it all the way into town and back because it was necessary to load 36 balloons and groceries in. I risk like that, and it was my kids birthday… super single-mom.
Having the luxury of two vehicles (I tell myself ones really my 16yr olds… yet I’ve had it for 2yrs– recovering money-shame person here. I’ll write about that too… the people who make you feel bad for what you’ve achieved in life) After the clenched fist driving on Saturday, I parked that one and drove the other.
Now, I know that I have to do something about this giant bolt in my tire
yet I’ve got a birthday party to throw and kids to take care of and I don’t wanna be risking them in the car when I can risk myself, alone… story of my life. I’m used to handling most everything on my own. Equally empowering and exhausting.
Days go by while I wait for the perfect time to take this vehicle in and slowly the tire is going flatter. That’s a lot like my life right now… the extensive waiting making it flat.
Fast forward to today, Tuesday, where I’m ready for work, in my highest heels no less, with a full day of meetings scheduled with my stylists about goals. Mind you, I did this last week too and on Thursday I learned I’m losing (feels like a huge loss) TWO full-time stylists. One I’ve worked with for 12yrs and she’s simply ready to be home, with her kids and helping her husband with his business. I get it. I’m happy for her. She will be gone in November. I gotta get to solution finding!
I honestly wish I had that support in my life too. Someone to hold it all together and simply live their life while I continue creating empires. I love to work. It’s what I do.
The other stylist is pursuing another career but I’ll have her for atleast a year. This news piles on top of the knowing I’m losing one of my largest earners and long-time employees in February. She’s moving to Dallas to be near kids & grandkids. We’ve worked together for over 17yrs! I’ll miss her like crazy! Yes, I’m heartbroken and struggling here.
Each employee that’s transitioning into a new phase in their life feels overwhelmed at the thought of leaving me & my company. Words are given like “I’ll never find another job like this. I’ll never work for someone like you again. You’ve inspired me to be a better person. You’ve made me believe in myself. It’s like family here. I’ll miss this more than you know.” It’s so wonderful to be the facilitator of that. It’s humbling. It’s an honor. It’s my truth. It’s my passion… building people.
My biggest truth is … I love inspiring others to pursue their dreams. Often this means they will exit yours. You’ll temporarily be flat and out of commission. Then you’ll solution find and evolve. I trust that will be the case, yet right now I remain flat, concerned and a little (ok a lot) terrified about how this looks for my business. How it will be for my kids & I doing the whole single-mom, total breadwinner thing.
Last week I was on cloud nine thinking of options with my new SO and the possibility of creating something together. Today that feels flat. I hold some hope, yet I’m used to being on my own and making it happen for myself and right now I know I’ve got to get to it. Seriously get to it. I believe in me.
Back to today… so I get in my trusty, cause it’s new, reliable car and as I’m backing out of the long drive, with kids, binders, lunchboxes and a deadline… I hear thunk-thunk, thunk-thunk and I say… “oh my god you’re kidding me!” I get out in the circle and sure enough… it’s down to the rim. Flat as my feelings.
The thing is… these things make me laugh. They make me solution find and give comfort to those that may be stressed. I don’t sweat the small stuff. In a life of lost loved ones… a flat tire? Who cares.
I call my bestie, say “I’ve got an emergency can you get my kids to school?” She’s dressing and on her way like lightning. She’s a true friend.
These past few weeks I’m reminded how precious true friends are. I had widened my circle to embrace one that, in truth, was more of a very long acquaintance … only to have her meddling, low-vibration energy cause a huge flat in my life. I can see it. I know where she’s at. I just can’t play small with small-minded, fear-based people. I know this. I know this… yet, I let myself fall into her drama and the karma I’m facing now, I must own. That’s what I do… I learn, I grow, I evolve. I trust… in me and the rhythms of the Universe.
Here I sit… my kids are safely off to school, the wrecker service is on its way and I write.
Life flows and I flow with it. I forgot this temporarily when I allowed someone else’s truth to masquerade as mine. Like the trusty vehicle that’s temporarily flat and out of commission, I know, with every fiber of my being, that I’ll be running right as rain in no time. In truth I have been for days since I saw through the fear thrown at me and settled into my own truths.
Somehow I’m grateful for this pause today though. It’s solidified that truth. My newest evolution. Trusting in myself more.
When my bestie picked up my kids she said “What are the odds! Two vehicles down with flats.” I just laughed, smiled and said, “I know right! I just think the Universe is telling me to slow down… that’s when I can see things as they are.”